THE ONE WHO HATED HER BIRTHDAY

 

Hate. 

Why do people hate anything anyway? 

Because of either of the reasons, 

    Cant get it

    Cant be it

    Dont like it

One of  the very important reason or the most common as per to my experience is the first one. 

So, this story is about someone who recently realised she doesnt particularly like her birthday, infact she hates that day. 

She used to be the quite one. 

Earlier in her childhood, she used to seek validation, of any form, from anyone. For anyone to just look at her and feel proud for once. To look into her eyes and say you are a lovely human being, To be appreciated for all the silent work she has been doing for others because she knew bragging is not cool. Makes you look stupid. She ddint wana be stupid. She wanted herself to be seen for what she really was. 

Since no one ever even noticed her, it was easy for her to hate herself, since all her validation depended on others. Others were the report card to her who showed what she was really worth of. 

And she realised she was worth nothing. 

On the other hand, stupid people were popular, unkind ones were cool and back stabbers were loved. Infront front of her eyes. Everyday. 

It was hard for her to believe in what she was told. That she needs to make this world  a better place to live in. She tried and tried everyday. Yet no one loved her. Sure she wasnt a problem to anyone, but what she wanted was to he liked by people, or to be noticed. She was just someone whom everyone would forgeteven the name if was absent for few days. No matter what everyone did or was, she has to be the better person, bigger person. Being the bigger person sucks when you're empty inside. 

So she realised something wrong. 

That she is  worth nothing. That my friend, was  the beginning of what she ddin't knew. 

Self hate. 

She started hating herself, to be fine with others hating her too. Though no body hated her. Nobody loved her too. 

She thought the problem is in her. She is not cool enough, or smart enough. But no guys, she ddin't start being what she ddin't believe in. She knew there is hope, one day people will realise what she really is. She still stuck in validation. 

Little did she realise that the validation she is seeking, she doesn't need . That she, is enough.  That she believes in herselr, and that's enough. Her kindness spreads love and that she has made someone smile. She still doesnt realise any of it. 

Every cool person out there got what they ddin't even deserve and she on the other hand couldn't even get the bare minimum. Not even on her birthday. Self doubt turned to self hatred and she first cried on her birthday when she was 12. This continued for all the years that came by. 

Something about birthdays makes you feel extremely happy and awful at the same time. Birthdays are stupid she said, all those celebration stuffs people did on each other's, deep down she wanted that. In a very unhealthy way, she tricked her mind into believing there is nothing special about her being born. 

Her parents sure did everything she wanted. Or in other words, everything they could do, without letting her go party or have a sleepover or spend some extra time with friends because of their restrictions. With the little friends she had, she couldn't even do something for herself to make her feel better. Sure she was greatful for what she had, others had more, much more. Candles, cakes, parties. She wanted all of that. She deserved some of it atleast she thought. 

Years passed. Nothing happy ever happened to her on her special day. To this day, there hasnt been a single time, she ddint cry to herself in the bathroom, alone..

Today, she just wants to escape that day. Oh how badly she wished she wouldn't have to face that day of pretending. That fake laughs she has given and the torturous day never seems to end. She's never got what she deserved. Ever. 

She used to pour her heart out and prepare special events for her friends who were her world. But was she the world to somone? Or anyone?

No.