I WONDER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE NOW.

Here is a story about two different friends, who once were close but not anymore.

I do wonder what you look like now.

The face i had watched everyday for years, is now lost to me. I haven't even kept any photographs of you, or us, or any group in which you can be seen. I still hate you. But i miss you.

I hated it that you pretended to be close to me, who pretended that I'm her special friend, who I thought misses my absence, who makes special posts on facebook tagging me with captions consisting of our nicknames, who puts whatsapp DPs with me, who paid for my food, who gave me company when I was bored. You made me feel that I'm your special friend, the one friend who you truly think of as your own. I have always craved for real connections and wanted to have a group of friends so bad that I too thought you and your "nakhres " to be included in the only group of friends I had. My group consisted of only two people, me and the other person.

I'm usually scared of people that they are gonna hurt but still I included you. Because i thought we have a lot of potential. To be like best of three friends against the world. Because i thought i was special. But i wasn't. This was just something which you did fir everyone. You made everyone feel so. And I don't blame you for all the hurt I felt, for you were like this from the beginning, maybe I was at fault dear, who expected a lot, loved a lot, gave a lot just to watch you giving all of my love and care to everyone else except me.

You were popular, convincing, good looking, charming, stupid, dramatic but still lovely.

I loved you for what you were, just the way you were. No changes. I wanted to build something strong of a friendship with you, like sisterhood. I did consider you my sister . But you never wanted that. I was always that stupid friend who gave too much, who loved too much and was sonetimes clingy too, but i loved you. I loved you like my sister.

I really thought you want that too. Because i was doing just fine without you. With the bestest friend of the world, she is my sweetheart, yes, she still is. My whole world.

I admired you and wanted to be your friend because I had seen how you are among everyone and I wanted to be like you, if not like you, atleast learn somethings from you, good things. I have always been the introvert type you see as you would have made out now. I never really learned or knew how to make friends or approach anyone. But with you it was easy, you were life in your own ways.

With time, I realises how annoying you were, and I realised what you really are with everyone even me, selfish. You used me, again and again, used your popularity. And soon, I began realizing this too that what you had with me wasn't real, none of it was. You had your real set of friends with whom you actually shared stuffs. I was just another batchmate to you.

But it wasn't completely true. I knew my side of the story , and you had your own reasons. Trust me I had to do what i did, protecting you was my job and I did. Because i couldn't be friends with you and face all of what I was made to. The one you think is close to you was toxic. I warned you but you chose him. I made my choice too.

I still loved you. I still cared for you, i started drifting apart but I still cared for you. I wanted your best. And then, We fucked up.

Years have passed now, and I don't know where you are or what you're doing as we aren't connected anywhere. I sometimes do think what you look like now, how have you grown to become a fine lady. How has life been to you? Have you ever missed me in the past years?

I wana ask you these. I wana hug you once.

I miss my friend who would go on talking gibberish for hours, getting scolded together, go on outings and have lunch together. I miss roaming with you talking about life. You never considered me your true friend and I couldn't do anything alone.