I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THE LAST TIME.

I had few not many dreams about college life. Living in a middle class indian household for about 18 years of my life now, I had great hopes about finally getting my so called freedom & privacy, feeling of being independent and responsible.

All of these along with the usual college stuffs which i had dreamt of originally, wearing planned outfits, trying out new hairstyles, having a few watches,shoes,bag collections to wear alternatively and be the bubbly adorable girl from movies and series who is always jolly and the prettiest of all. Who is loved by everyone.

Real life couldn't be more flawed.

It's the college life which drowns one into the reality, forcing us to realise that what we see  and admire in the movies or dramas are actually non existent in reality. Its difficult to realise something which was never shown or portrayed by the entertainment world of our country. Its more difficult for believers who once had a different idea and perspective about certain events in life.

A college life full of exciting new experiences, new friends, some unbreakable  bonds,fake friends, and scenarios filled with harsh realities, backstabs, cheatings was awaiting for me. New life was to be unfolded.

It was a rainy day, when i was to report to my allotted college with all the documents. I saw a huge light peachish color building where we parked and I said to myself, this cannot be true. I was, to be honest, a bit disappointed to see the campus provided by the institution. There itself, few  childish dreams of mine broke, as to how will I now have those romantic moments in big fancy college corridors and entrances or stairs for ecample. Like an unrealistic college typically shown in KJo's movies. But I still was happy as it was a reputed college with good facilities. There was the first reality check I was encountered with on that day. It was a good day overall. Looking back to that time, I realise that I was such a kid.

I spend there 7  years of my life.

During the last few years , I used to everyday wakeup, get ready, wearing those same few outfits, repeating them, wearing my one and only watch i had for college wear, and putting on the same comfortable shoes which are durable and long lasting, carrying a tote bag on my arm filled with necessary items, boarding the same train at the exact same time everyday.

During these 7 years, a lot happened. I wasn't the same person anymore . I learned about people, that not everyone you think is nice to you is your friend. I learned to value my emotions, my feelings and my love. Because no one else will. I learned to say no to people, even those who are close to you, because when you aren't ready, you shouldn't. I learned not to love so easily, not everyone who say they love you, genuinly love you. I realised that not everyone who asks about your wellness is your well wisher. I learned not to forgive anyone without even an apology, who aren't even sorry. I also learned that not everyone deserve your forgiveness.

That place gave me a lot of lessons. A lot of memories! Good ones too. A lot of them! Sharing food, songs, clothes, singing together, clicking pictures, going new places, walking together, finding love, performances, concerts, getting drunk together,studying for exams, laughing  and eating in libraries, having a gang, chai breaks, big treats, picnics, bus rides, going on rallies, supporting movements. That place wasn't just a place for me anymore, it became an emotion. One stop for everything. And little did I realise but by then, my life revolved around it.

In no time, we all completed our education and there came the biggest even in a college student's life, graduation. The day you will be officially graduating  with your degree in hand and parting your ways (officially) from your institution and the people in it. The gala event happened and soon after, the only few people I was attached to either moved abroad, or to a different city, their hometowns and I was left here.

   
                           

If you know what separating is, you know the pain that comes with it, but continue going to the same place everyday without seeing those with whom you had lived there . The feeling is aweful.

Even after all this i was surviving, but a terrible incident now occured, the  pandemic which was taking away our breaths. Covid.

I was the one who decided not to go outside anymore as the cases were rising. And days later , the government decided to imply full lockdown in the nation . I didn't realise that the day I last went to my institute was the last time i would be going as an employee who once studied there. I lost my job i had there. And couldn't go there anymore.

I didn't even realise back then, when I was taking a bus for my train , that was the last time I was doing so.
I would had treasured those moments.

I would had watched my college slip away from my hands when the driver of my bus accelerated towards a different destiny of my life. I would had taken pictures of all those places I had beautiful moments spend. After all I had spend my entire youth there. I would had definitely made that day a bit more memorable if it were possible.

I have been there recently. But not as a student or an employee, but to complete some paper work and it felt like home. Yet again. I guess this is the specialty of colleges,it becomes your home. And home never unwelcomes you.
It always embraces you with both its arms open to include you into its essence and environment. I still wish i could change my last day. But I guess home is where, there are no last days.